


with you my dear, I'm safe (and you're safe with me too)

by portraitofwlw



Category: Big Little Lies (TV), Big Little Lies - Liane Moriarty
Genre: Bullying, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Family Dynamics, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Madeline doing what she does best: act passive aggressively, Overprotective Parenting, listen its a lot about madeline caring for amabella but i think its cute, parent anxiety, there is renataline dont worry, they just want to be good moms but its hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:33:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28122420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/portraitofwlw/pseuds/portraitofwlw
Summary: I promise, I'll take care of your baby like she's my own, I'll hold her and dress her and make sure she's loved. No you don't have to worry while you're far away, because I'll keep her safe until you can return.
Relationships: Renata Klein & Madeline Martha MacKenzie, Renata Klein/Madeline Martha Mackenzie
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	with you my dear, I'm safe (and you're safe with me too)

**Author's Note:**

> this has been sitting in my google drive for the better part of six months collecting dust, so I figured I would attempt to rework it and post it (what the hell). happy holidays to the 5 people who read BLL fic <3

Renata is in San Francisco when the school calls. 

She's meeting with the head of some tech giant, presumably haggling him to get the best deal she possibly can for herself and her company. She's been gone barely twelve hours, having flown out last night after dinner, and she'll be back the next morning. It's not a long trip-- she's taken longer-- but it's the first time Amabella won't be with her father while Renata is gone. Instead she's staying at home with Madeline.

Amabella loves Madeline, loves that she's home more, loves that she can make pancakes on the weekend without burning them, loves when she pretends to be mad but starts laughing a few minutes into whatever Chloe and Amabella are doing, but it was still surprising when she practically begged to stay at home instead of going to Gordon's for the night. Renata had arranged it all, and Gordon had begrudgingly agreed. He hated Madeline on principle, first in defense of his wife, now to spite her. But both Renata and Gordon had a similar soft spot for Amabella, and an inability to deny her anything she desperately wanted. So Gordon had to grin and bear it, accepting the additional night he would get with her next week in exchange. 

Madeline is also at work when the school calls. 

She's in the middle of helping the leads in the winter play block a scene when her phone goes off. They just can’t seem to get it right, even on hour four, and she’s a hair's width from screaming at them to just stand where they’re fucking told. So when her phone buzzes in her pocket she considers ignoring it completely and calling back later during her lunch break when she’s less irritated. But then the phone in the lighting booth rings, the one that nobody is supposed to call unless they absolutely need to get in touch with the cast or crew. The stage manager jogs to pick it up and gestures for her to come over. She can see the line in his forehead grow more pronounced, and worries that maybe it's Renata calling to say she can’t come home tomorrow, or something worse. When she sees it's the school she lets out a little breath of relief, assuming Chloe is sick (she’d been complaining about her stomach hurting the day before), or that one of the girls forgot something at home.

"Hello? Madeline?" It's principal Warren, and Madeline bristles at the fact that he calls her by her first name. It's better than Miss. Mackenzie, however, since Ed has been out of the picture for more than two years now, and Madeline desperately needs to change her last name. 

"Yes, hello?"

"Can you come down? There's a situation with Amabella and you're listed as her emergency contact if Renata and Gordon are unavailable." 

Madeline froze. The relief that she had felt mere moments ago had vanished, and in its place settled a boulder in her gut. 

"A situation?" 

"We’ll fill you in once you arrive at the school." He sounded impatient. 

"You can't tell me now?"

"I'd rather wait until you're here, in person."

Madeline rolled her eyes, trying to swallow the bile that had risen in her throat. 

"I'm heading over."

She hung up the phone and beckoned the stage manager over. 

"I have a family emergency, can you take over the last few hours of rehearsal? Just work on getting off book for act three. Give up on the blocking, there’s no way they’ll get it today. They need to sleep on it." 

The twenty-something year old nodded, looking nervous at the sudden responsibility. Madeline had no time to reassure him, so she shot him a quick smile and hurried off to her office, a perk of being promoted to director of the show. She wasn’t completely sure how to handle a situation like this, had never had any issues with Chloe or Abigail, both of whom were social from the get-go. Plus, Amabella had been doing better in school as of late, supposedly. Part of her was still in shock that she was Amabella's emergency contact after Gordon, even though she vaguely remembered Renata having that conversation with her near the beginning of their relationship, over two years ago. There’d never been a situation where it came up again, until now. Of course it made sense, logically. She lived with Amabella, and saw her nearly every day. But nonetheless it was hard evidence of their attachment in a way she hadn't gotten before. She grabbed her purse from her desk and left. 

Getting in her car and driving to Otter Bay was a blur, her mind going a million miles an hour while her car only went sixty five. Checking into the front office and getting her visitor’s tag seemed to take a century. 

Amabella was sitting outside of the principal’s office when Madeline arrived, kicking her feet aimlessly, the traces of tears still in her eyes and on her cheeks. She looked tiny on the oversized wooden bench, curled in on herself. _Why the fuck was she left alone out here?_ Madeline sat down next to her on the uncomfortable bench, not caring if she delayed the meeting with the principal, and pulled Amabella up onto her lap. Amabella was taller now, but still stick thin and as light as a feather. She took her face in her hands, inspecting it for injuries. 

Amabella liked to be cuddled and comforted in a way Chloe didn't, and in the way Abigail had grown out of more than a decade ago. It was something Renata had obviously gotten used to, despite not being the most outwardly affectionate person herself, but Madeline reveled in it, and showered her in affection and comfort whenever the opportunity presented itself. 

"Are you okay baby?" 

Madeline ran her fingers through Amabella’s hair lightly, paying careful attention not to catch any snags in the messy locks. She didn’t appear to have any cuts or bruises, but her eyes were red and held a tiredness too old for her. Amabella put her head against her chest, grasped at the lapels of her blazer, and didn't reply. She seemed younger, more fragile, when she was like this. Before Madeline could inquire further, the principal came out of his office.

"Madeline? Could you come in please?"

Madeline stuffed down her annoyance and gently detached Amabella from her so she could stand up. It felt absolutely wrong to leave her here for one more second, but she swallowed the feeling as best she could. 

"I'll be right back, okay?" Madeline shot her what she hoped was a reassuring smile and gave her hair one last stroke.

Once she was inside the office and the door was closed, blocking most of the sound from reaching Amabella's ears, Madeline made no effort to be soothing and calm.

"What the _hell_ is going on?" 

"Madeline…” The principal removed his glasses and rubbed at the bridge of his nose, already sounding exhausted although she had just arrived. “Sit down please." 

"I'd rather stand." The protective instinct she had regarding Amabella reared its head, and she steeled herself. Whatever this man had to say, and she had a feeling it wasn’t going to be what she wanted to hear, Madeline was going to stand her ground. She had been with Renata long enough that the fierceness with which she defended Chloe now applied to Amabella as well.

Principal Warren sighed and sat in his chair. He was barely doing anything but Madeline could feel her blood pressure building.

"Just please listen, okay? I don't know what Renata told you, but I promise we've always been proactive about this situation."

Madeline scoffed. The principal glared.

"Yeah sure. That's why it's still happening. Can you just tell me why I'm here?"

"There was an incident on the playground during recess. A few boys were getting in Amabella's face--” Madeline opened her mouth to speak, “don’t worry, a teacher stepped in before things escalated, but Amabella had to be taken to the nurse shortly after. She was short of breath and frantic, likely because she was having a panic attack. We haven’t been able to get her to tell us what happened yet. "

The intensity of Madeline’s anger surprised her. Her hands balled up into fists without her permission and the only thing on her mind was how much she wanted to hit something. She forced her hands to stretch out and took a deep breath.

"I'm assuming punishment is being given out accordingly." She spoke through gritted teeth.

"Yes, of course. Thankfully there were no physical injuries on either side so no suspensions will be made."

"On either side? Are you kidding me?" The thinly veiled anger Madeline had suppressed before came bubbling up. "If you brought me in here thinking I was going to be more empathetic to your struggles in running this _elementary school_ than Renata, you're mistaken. I assure you, if this continues, or if I find out that those boys received no repercussions for today, I will not be happy; and you'll have Renata to deal with on top of me, so I don't think you will be either." 

"We don't need to jump to conclusions Madeline, I understand you're upset but we must be rational about all of this." 

"Rational? My kid is crying outside of this fucking office right now and you're telling me to be rational? Jesus Christ what's wrong with you!?"

“Nothing will get done by screaming, as I said, we’re dealing with it. I assure you.”

“Look at me.” Madeline leaned forward. “I am telling you very plainly that whatever you have been doing for the past three fucking years since this started, it has not been enough. Do you understand me? Nod your head yes if you do.” 

The principal nodded. 

“Good. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to take Amabella home.” 

With that, Madeline turned towards the door and left, resisting the urge to flip him off or call him a dick as she did. Amabella was still sitting on the bench by the door, a lollipop, still in its wrapper, gripped in her hand now. Madeline smiled at the receptionist, who had obviously given it to her. The woman gave her a sympathetic smile in return. _Too bad the principal doesn’t have this much goddamn empathy._ Madeline thought. 

"Are you ready to go home ‘bella?” Madeline stuck her hand out for Amabella to take. The girl nodded and stood up, clinging tightly to Madeline’s hand. She took them out of the side door, wanting to spare Amabella the embarrassment of walking through the hallways to get to the front door. Once they were out to the car Madeline looked her over once more, double checking that there wasn’t a scratch on her. 

Amabella was quiet for the duration of the car ride, and every glance that Madeline stole through the rearview mirror at her showed a somber and troubled little face. The lollipop, bubblegum flavored, which was her favorite if Madeline remembered correctly, sat abandoned in the cupholder. Madeline had only seen her like this a handful of times, but it was the worst feeling in the world. When Amabella got like this there was no pulling her out of it unless she was ready. Sometimes she needed to sleep it off, other times she needed to cling to someone for a few hours, other times she could pull herself free with a movie or a book and escape into another world. But there wasn’t a thing Madeline could do to make any of those happen if Amabella didn’t want them.

“Do you want me to put on some music?” Madeline said a few minutes into the drive. “I can play the playlist Chloe made for you with your favorite songs on it.” 

Amabella gave her a half hearted nod and looked out the window. Madeline grew more worried.

She flicked on the playlist anyway, and “Love Me Tender” by Elvis Presley spilled out of the speakers. She smiled softly at the memory of Chloe and Amabella bickering about whose version was better, Elvis or Sinatra. They’d argued until they were both red in the face and it took Renata snatching the phone away to get them to quiet down. In the moment it had been exasperating, _‘it doesn’t matter Chloe, both versions are fantastic!’ ‘No! Sinatra’s version is better! It just is!’_ but now she wished for such a lively environment. 

Once Madeline pulled into the driveway she turned around to fully face Amabella and spoke. She couldn’t take Amabella’s anxieties away herself, but she could offer her a million things to try and drive them from the forefront of her mind. 

"Amabella why don't you go pick out a movie and wash your hands? I'll make us a snack, and then we can watch it together. We can even watch Star Wars if you want. How does that sound?" 

The Star Wars movies were still Amabella’s favorites, and she was always begging Madeline to watch them with her. Even if the idea of sitting down and watching two hours of the skywalkers parade around the galaxy for the twentieth time made her shudder, she was willing to throw anything at the wall at this point. 

A genuine smile broke onto Amabella' s face, and Madeline just about cried. The next two hours were already worth it. Amabella was already climbing out of her seat and opening the door, clearly excited by the prospect. Today was one of the easier days, and Madeline took a second to thank the universe or god or just plain old luck. The thought of dealing with one of the days when nothing would bring a smile to Amabella’s by herself was terrifying. 

Madeline got out of the car and let Amabella into the house, both of their moods considerably improved. She waited for Amabella to go upstairs before she dialed Renata's phone number. 

To an outsider it might have seemed like the worst possible idea to call Renata while she was working. Especially today, when she was most likely securing a deal worth millions of dollars. But Madeline knew Renata better than anyone, and she knew that she would want to know what was happening with Amabella immediately. Gordon had always opted to wait until later to tell her, until after she finished at work, or until she returned home from a business trip, and it infuriated Renata to no end. He assumed her work was the most important thing in the moment, but Madeline knew her better. She was a career woman, sure, but everything in her life was eclipsed by her family, Amabella especially. 

The phone rang a few times before Renata's new assistant, Grace, picked up.

"Hi Madeline." Grace was a sweet girl, about 22, and Madeline liked her. She wasn't nosy, but she was readily available when needed.

"Hey Grace, I need you to get Renata for me."

"She's just coming out of her meeting, can you wait a few minutes? I'll let her know you need to talk." 

That was another good thing about Grace, she didn't question when Madeline called. She knew Madeline wouldn’t call for something frivolous. 

"It's about Amabella. Can she step out for a moment?"

“I’ll get her.” 

Yes. Madeline liked Grace.

Madeline could hear Grace pocket the phone and walk into the meeting room. She could hear questions being fired off in Renata’s direction, and then there was some shuffling, and the sound of Renata apologizing and promising to be back in a moment to discuss the finishing touches of the deal. 

"What's wrong?" Renata asked when she was given the phone, cutting straight to the chase.

"The school called me in today because there was an incident with Amabella." Madeline echoed the words of the principal, also being blunt. She knew Renata didn’t have the time to beat around the bush. 

"An incident?"

"She's not hurt, I took her home and we're going to watch a movie together. She had another panic attack Renata, some boys were scaring her during recess." 

Madeline could feel Renata's anger through the phone. It mirrored her own. 

“Was Gordon there with you?” 

Madeline had forgotten about him entirely. 

“Apparently the school couldn’t get a hold of him.”

Renata made a frustrated noise. 

"Don't worry Renata, I'm handling it. I went in and made sure the principal knew this wasn't going to be swept under the rug."

"Thank you Madeline." Renata let out a breath she had been holding.

"Of course, do you want to talk to Amabella? She’s right here--" Madeline beckoned Amabella over from where she had just walked down the stairs. She came bounding over, a careful smile on her face. 

"Can we watch The Phantom Menace today Maddie?" 

Madeline pulled the phone from her face and gave Amabella a smile. 

"Of course we can! Do you want to talk to your Mom? She's on the phone right now." 

Amabella nodded and put her hand out to take the phone from Madeline. 

"Hi Mama." She said into the receiver.

Madeline turned to focus on getting something ready to eat. Amabella's stomach was delicate after her panic attacks. Sometimes she didn't want to eat at all, and certain foods could repulse her entirely. Deciding to play it safe, Madeline cut up some strawberries and watermelon, and put some goldfish in a bowl. By the time she was done, Amabella was saying her goodbyes to Renata and handing over the phone before racing off to the TV room.

"Thank you again Madeline." Renata said, sounding tired. 

"You don't have to thank me, just try not to worry too much while you're away okay?"

Renata made a noncommittal noise on the other end of the line. 

"I'm serious, you have enough on your plate with the meetings. Now I have to go, Amabella and I are about to watch Star Wars." 

Renata stifled a laugh. 

"Shut up." Madeline playfully retorted before switching to a softer tone. "I love you." 

"Love you too, I'll see you tomorrow." 

Madeline hung up the call and switched to her messages to send Jane a text asking if she would pick Chloe up from school. Once Jane assured her that was fine she slipped her phone into her pocket and made her way to the TV room, snacks in hand. Amabella was already seated and giddy with excitement when she arrived. 

"Here you go." Madeline set the food on the table. Amabella thanked her and made a beeline for the strawberries. Once she had stuffed several into her cheeks, prompting a gentle reminder from Madeline not to make herself choke, she grabbed the remote and turned on the Bluray player.

"Ready?" She looked to Madeline, poised to click play. 

Madeline nodded and settled more comfortably into the couch.

Amabella molded herself against Madeline’s side and a smile made its way onto Madeline’s face impulsively. She wrapped an arm around Amabella’s shoulders. 

It wasn’t something she let herself think about much, but the thought of letting Amabella down was terrifying. Being the step-parent (though she wasn’t even officially that) was a daunting thing to be. She had seen firsthand how long it took Abigail to warm up to Ed, and how coldly she had treated him in the beginning, and she didn’t want that with Amabella. She wanted her to know that she could count on her, for anything and at any time. If today hadn’t gone well, if Madeline had dropped the ball, the voice in her head told her all of the trust Amabella had in her could’ve been washed away. 

Just as the movie was ending, Chloe burst through the front door and raced towards the TV room, climbing onto the couch and waking Madeline from the hazy half-asleep state she’d been in. She pestered Amabella about why she left early until Madeline shot her a sharp look, silencing her. The girls quickly broke into a conversation about what Amabella had missed at school and which movie to watch next. Chloe probably had homework to do, but Madeline decided that there were more important things to worry about that night. She slipped out of the room to leave the two of them alone, thankfully avoiding the next movie in the franchise. 

Dinner and bedtime blurred together happily, a mess of dishes and ice cream and Disney pajamas. Amabella livened up when she was home, especially with Chloe. She giggled and danced and sang along to Beatles songs in the living room. It made Madeline's heart ache to think of what she was like in school, away from the security of having any of them around. 

After Amabella had said her good nights and gone upstairs to bed, Madeline pulled Chloe aside. 

"Chloe, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Do you notice what happens to Amabella at school?"

Chloe looked confused for a moment, but then settled into a frown. 

"She told me that it had stopped this year. Is she getting hurt again?"

Madeline held Chloe's hand in her own and rubbed it soothingly. 

"She's been having issues again, yes. I just want you to know that if you see anything you should tell your teacher, Amabella's teacher, or me and Renata, okay?" 

"I will Mom." Chloe sounded sincere as she said it, her usual sass absent from the promise.

"Thank you, now go on up to bed." Madeline kissed the top of Chloe's head and gestured up the stairs. 

That night Madeline dreamt she was watching Amabella being taunted and teased, only able to watch in horror from afar. She was backed up against a fence while a group of kids closed in on her, like a scene from a terrible coming of age movie. The kids just kept getting closer and closer, and even as Amabella cried and called out to her, Madeline was stuck in place. No matter what she did they wouldn't stop, and Amabella was growing more hysterical by the minute. It was torturous. To make matters worse Renata was in the same situation as Madeline, calling out to her to do _something, anything_ to help Amabella. She had failed them both. 

She woke up with a jolt, sweat beading along her hairline and dampening the skin on her neck. Her stomach churned unsettlingly. She hated this situation, she fucking hated it. Is this how Renata felt? Had she had nightmares and worried herself sick when it had first started happening, all the way back in first grade? It seemed likely, and Madeline hated herself for not taking it seriously at the time for the sake of their rivalry.

Madeline got herself up out of bed; it was barely four in the morning, but there was no way she was going to be able to go back to sleep. Renata would be home in an hour, a thought that brought Madeline indescribable relief, so much relief that she felt like crying at the thought of it. She always missed Renata while she was away, but all the stress of the past day made her crave Renata's unwavering strength and comfort on top of simply missing her presence in the house. It seemed that Renata should be able to feel how much she missed her by how loud her body was screaming for her to come home.

Madeline changed the sheets on the bed and stripped out of her nightgown, which was stuck uncomfortably to her skin with sweat, and grabbed a pair of shorts and a tank top. It was a warm night in Monterey, even though it was late October. She made her way into the master bathroom, taking the extra time she had to take a shower. The stream of water helped to calm her mind and muscles, and the soap washed away some of her anxieties as well as the sweat on her skin. She dressed in a loose t-shirt and a pair of linen shorts, anticipating a quiet day in. Days when neither her nor Renata had work were almost nonexistent, and she couldn't imagine Renata wanting to spend it anywhere but home. 

Before heading downstairs to start on breakfast, Madeline paused in Amabella's doorway. She was sound asleep, her night light illuminating her face softly. There was another figure behind her, which, upon further inspection, seemed to be Chloe. It was surprising to see her there, shoved into Amabella's twin bed, instead of spread out in her own. Maybe Madeline judged her too harshly. Maybe Chloe was more caring than she got credit for. 

Madeline didn't linger long for fear she'd disturb the girls. 

While she mixed the batter for pancakes, Madeline listened intently for the sound of a car door that would signal Renata's return. It was half past five, which meant she was supposed to walk through that door any minute. 

Just as Madeline had finished the batter and began making sandwiches for the girls' lunches, she heard the car door. Immediately a rush of endorphins flooded through her, even before she had gotten a glimpse of Renata's face. When she walked through the door, looking sufficiently tired, Madeline was beaming. 

"You're awake early." Renata said, surprised. 

Madeline nodded and chuckled.

"I couldn't sleep very well." Madeline set aside the half made lunches and walked over to where Renata was standing. "Come here." She pulled her into a hug. "I'm so glad you're home." Her tone conveyed the emotion her words couldn't. 

Renata wrapped her arms tighter around Madeline and leaned into the embrace. 

"Me too." 

By the time she finally went upstairs to change and shower, after a sufficient amount of time spent enjoying being close enough to kiss Madeline again, it was nearly six. She promised to be quick, and to be back in time to have breakfast with the girls. It wasn't long before Madeline could hear the pattering of footsteps descending the stairs. Chloe was the first to appear, Amabella right on her heels.

"Is Renata back yet?" Chloe asked, sliding into her seat at the island and connecting her phone to the speakers.

"Good morning to you too Chloe." Madeline said, any hint of a scolding tone absent from her voice.

"Morning Mom, is Renata home yet?" 

"She's upstairs getting ready, she'll be down in a minute." Madeline replied, passing a plate of pancakes and eggs to Chloe, and then one to Amabella. "Bonnie is doing the carpool today, is that okay with you guys?" The question was meant more for Amabella, who might want either Madeline or Renata there to drop her off. 

Both girls nodded, their mouths full of breakfast. Amabella seemed to be in significantly better spirits. Madeline was secretly relieved that they didn't need to be driven, she wanted to spend as much time relaxing with Renata today as possible. 

When footsteps coming down the stairs became audible, the slow r&b music which had been playing from the Bluetooth speakers --a present to Chloe from Renata when they had moved in-- switched to Big Country by the Talking Heads. They were one of Renata's favorite bands, a fact that had put her in Chloe's good graces from the beginning, especially considering Madeline had never liked them very much. 

When Renata rounded the corner into the kitchen Amabella hopped down from her chair and ran to hug her. Renata swung her up into her arms, though not without a little effort, and Amabella giggled. 

"Good morning." Renata said, giving Amabella a kiss on the cheek. "I missed you." 

"I missed you too!" 

She set her back down in her chair and moved onto Chloe, who had remained seated, favoring the nonchalant and hard to get approach. Renata leaned on the counter next to her, mirroring her faux indifference. 

"Mornin' Chloe, miss me much?" 

"Eh. A little." Chloe said, a smile spreading on her face. 

Renata laughed and pulled her into a hug, which Chloe returned, the cool girl act fully abandoned by now. 

Madeline looked on fondly, preparing plates for herself and Renata. Once Renata was done saying hello to the girls she made her way over, wrapping her arms around Madeline from behind. The gesture stayed sweet, but there was a hint of something more in it as well, something that would be revisited once they were alone. 

"Good morning." Madeline turned around and gave Renata a peck on the lips and handed her a plate. "Here you go." 

Renata accepted the plate and thanked her before grabbing Madeline's hand and leading them both to the counter to sit down. Mornings after Renata got home were some of the best in their house, everyone was always in a good mood, and they all seemed to savor their time together more. Absence really did make the heart grow fonder. 

Before long, the girls were grabbing lunch pails and backpacks and being ushered towards the door. Chloe was out the door first, but not without giving both Madeline and Renata hugs-- the latter's a bit longer, and Amabella followed behind. Madeline stopped her for a second before she could leave.

"Amabella, if anything at all happens today, I want you to call us okay? We'll come get you, no matter what. Do you promise?" 

Amabella nodded, and Madeline reached her arms out for a hug. Amabella stepped happily into them, letting herself be semi-smothered. 

"Alright," Madeline said, letting go. "Bye girls!"

Once the door was closed, and she and Renata were well and truly alone, Madeline threw herself into Renata's embrace. Renata caught her easily, and wrapped her arms tightly around her. Now that Renata wasn't exhausted and dirty from her flight, and the possibility of the girls catching them had vanished, Madeline let herself cry into Renata's t-shirt. All the stress and worry that she had kept in check for the girls’ sake poured out of her, and Renata pulled her in closer, shielding her from the outside world. It was during times like this that Madeline was endlessly appreciative of their eight inch height difference, and how it allowed her to tuck her head perfectly in Renata’s chest.

"God I'm sorry...fuck." Madeline pulled back as far as Renata would let her, wiping her eyes. 

"Don't be. I know what you went through, exactly." Renata brought a hand up to stroke her face. 

"You probably think I'm so silly." 

"Absolutely not." Renata tilted Madeline's chin up, forcing her to look Renata in the eye. "If anything, I love you even more than I did yesterday. You love Amabella like she was your own, this whole thing proved that."

"Of course I do. She might as well be." Madeline gave Renata a small smile. "I know you feel the same about Chloe." 

Renata smiled warmly and nodded. 

“She’s not half bad.” 

“Hey!” Madeline hit her playfully on the shoulder.

Renata laughed and pulled her into her embrace again, moving the two of them to the couch where they could more comfortably stay. 

“I don’t understand why they keep tormenting her.” Madeline whispered after a few minutes. 

“I don’t think either of us will ever get it. We don’t need to, it just needs to stop.” 

The two of them sat in silence for a while, just enjoying being draped across each other. 

“In the message the principal left me he mentioned you were ‘very aggressive’ during your visit to his office.” Renata teased, looking down to meet Madeline’s eyes. 

“He’s such a wimp, I barely said anything.”

“Not to mention you’re about two-thirds his size.” 

Madeline gasped in mock offense.

“That was a low blow. It’s not my fault I’m surrounded by giants like you.” 

Renata smiled and pulled her up into a kiss. She pulled away a moment later though, to speak.

“It’s okay, I like my women fun-sized.” 

“Shut up.” 

Madeline pressed their lips together again. 

That thing that had been hinted at earlier, when Renata had wrapped her arms around Madeline’s waist at breakfast, came back in full force now. Madeline felt like her emotions were sitting on the surface of her skin, all of them. She went from crying, to laughing, to feeling like she might die if she didn’t get Renata’s hands on her soon. She was so tired of feeling sad and upset. All she wanted was a reprieve from the reality of their day to day problems.

“You want to do this on the couch?” Renata asked, Madeline’s hands shoved under her shirt. 

“I want to do this now. I don’t care where we are.” 

Renata didn’t take much convincing, and soon Madeline was on her back against the cushions, her hands in Renata’s hair. This was the best distraction in the world. 

“Stop thinking Madeline.” Renata said from between her legs.

How could she think of anything else with Renata’s lips on her skin?

“Hurry up then.”

Renata’s grip on her thighs tightened and Madeline groaned. This is what she needed. 

Sometime that afternoon, after a significant amount of time was wasted on the couch, and then even more wasted in bed, the two of them migrated out to the deck. It was probably going to be one of the last warm days of the season, and they lounged around on the pool chairs like they were on a honeymoon in Hawaii, Madeline's head resting on Renata's shoulder and their legs intertwined. They were both still a little disheveled, not bothering to look presentable when there was nobody else in the house. 

“I love you.” Renata mumbled against the warm skin of Madeline’s shoulder, which was painted with a darkening bruise. Madeline hummed in response, rubbing the skin of Renata’s leg affectionately.

“I wish we could just stay like this forever.” Madeline mused. 

She would’ve asked Renata to marry her right then if she had a ring. Would’ve asked her despite their half dressed state and smeared makeup, even though nobody was around to see it, even though she’d spent the better part of the day alternating between moaning and sobbing. Who gave a fuck if they’d only been together two years? She was old enough to finally know what the fuck she wanted, who she wanted. 

“If only.” 

Renata looked down at her, the familiar lazy smirk spread across her lips. Madeline reached a hand up and brushed some of the wild curls behind Renata’s ear. 

“What are you thinking?”

She was going to buy a ring.

**Author's Note:**

> and there you have it! I am shite at writing fluff so if you died of embarrassment thats why.


End file.
